The Chen Rules (CR - VII)

In case you have not been keeping abreast of the happenings in Jamdown, there has been a very recent promulgation of a new protocol concerning the cancellation/revocation of a US Visa.  Such is to be referred to as CR-VII.

This is not to be confused with protocols surrounding "Chen-Chen" or that of "WC" although both share remarkable similarities with the new CR-VII.

• Rule 1 - Always let your driver wait until your flight has departed before exiting the airport environs.  The popular practice of depositing departing passengers and beating a hasty retreat is no longer prudent. It is hereby advised that budgetary allowances be made for a wait between 2-3 hours (longer if there are unintended delays in the car park. Such should increase substantially the revenue from this facility.
  
  
  
  
• Rule II - It is prudent to double check with immigration that your US visa is still valid just in case there has been a very recent update. Hence early morning departures are highly recommended since things may change as the day progresses.
  
  
• Rule III - Having cleared the Jamaican end there is no basis for comfort as your status may have changed before you reached the first port of entry in the USA. It is hereby advised that you visit the bathroom facilities strategically located throughout the terminal buildings before joining the long immigration queue.  Failure to heed this advice may be very embarrassing. There is absolutely no need to raise a stink.


• Rule IV - In case your intended journey has been aborted in Jamaica, it is advisable that you activate the following regimes (henceforth referred to as the total F). 


• F-O-B  (Friend of Bruce) Close associates of the ruling party whether original JLP, turn back JLP, NDM or just anti-Sista P who have actively and aggressively ensured the change are in this category. Political appointees will receive special consideration by the Chief Servant.
• F-O-P (Friend of Politician) This pertains to your local political representatives to whose election you have contributed financially or otherwise.
• F-O-D (Friend of Don) The local Don who had assisted you to obtain the visa in the first place.
• It is hereby recognized that only one category may need to be activated as the same individual may be involved in one or more of the others. 


• Rule V - Under no circumstances should you yourself make contact with the US embassy as they are not under any obligation to disclose the reasons for their action and you may be glad that they do not. Kindly use F-O-B, F-O-P or F-O-D instead.


• Rule VI - This new protocol has nothing whatsoever to do with any unsatisfied extradition requests or attendance of government officials at conferences aimed at establishing a regional grouping without the participation of the USA or Canada.  It must be recognized that the non-appointment of a USA Ambassador has in no way influenced this protocol save and except governmental communication must now utilize lower level channels.


• Rule VII - The janitor and policemen stationed at the US Embassy cannot handle any requests for explanations, irrespective of the bona fides of the requesting person.

It was thought prudent to issue this advisory as more cases are scheduled to become public. Air travel at this time to the US is not recommended for those who have acquired Don-manship status, total F's or beneficiaries of money laundermats.  

At this time applications are still being encouraged for  VISA and MASTER credit cards.