New Rules

Orette Bruce Golding during the Dudus Extradition Affair (DEA) held a number of relevant positions; PM of Jamaica, self declared Chief Servant; MP for Western Kingston, Leader of the JLP, salad maker and husband of Lorna Golding.  Confusion surrounds which particular cap Orette Bruce Golding was wearing at any specific point in time during the DEA.

Orette Bruce Golding is scheduled to be the final witness in the Dudus/Manatt COE.  The public has been hyped to expect a showdown between Golding and KD Knight. Such has been labelled Sheriff vs Spider, Nightmare vs Webmaster and numerous other epithets.

This is the grand finale in the biggest political operatic farce Jamaica has ever witnessed.  

There is a clear and urgent for some new rules:

1. Commissioners must be as usual out of commission and not enforce any rules
2. Lying to one counsel does not bar lying to any or all
3. "Can't recall" and "cannot remember" are only available for answers to twenty questions per day.
4. Complete freedom to contradict all other witnesses and even oneself without shame or explanation.
5. Contradiction of verbatim writer is limited to five occasions.
6. "National Security" "Cabinet" and "Constitutional Rights" are not to be used in the ordinary customary senses. Witness is free to attach any unque, arbitrary or nonsensical meaning without notice.
7. Nelsonian Maths do not apply.
8. KD limited to ten days.
9. Witness free to carry own juice (Leaf-of-lie tea, Oil of Slippery Mouth, Memory Booster) if the water provided is less effective.
10. Audience reactions in terms of laughter, smirks, nodding (of the non-sleep variety) and other expressions of appreciation are strictly prohibited Coughing and throat clearing are allowed. Pauses longer than thirty seconds will not be allowed as they may be interpreted as disbelief or lying.
11. Absence from work during the showdown should not be supported by medical certificate. After all this could properly be classified as a "national disaster."